sábado, junho 17, 2006

Letter of a Fallen Angel to a Wandering Soul

If you are there for us – if I feel you have a little bit that listens and doesn’t fight back – I would stay all night long, I would stay until I fell to the side – just giving, fighting, as well as reaching further to listen to you above my own noise…

I love you for all you are.

I simply melt when you cry, I rejoice when your crystalline laughter invades all my being.
I love your simplicity as well as smile as a proud watcher to your childish ways.

I get as the warrior though, when the child that is hurt inside develops all that power to bend the world around.
When the “seductive you” comes in to the surface – not as the irradiation of your heart (that is freedom, gentle harmony echoing everywhere) but as the one that bends all in its way.

The one that puts people in to serve, the one that faces those that resist as a challenge.
I feel I may release you from that… as much as you are releasing me from my own willingness to keep and not “raise” after the “fall”.

My child let itself in your arms. It laid down helpless as you took care, as you let me cry and feel fragile… I was freed for moments of the tension of being in control, of the fear of being hurt, of being manipulated

And I feel we still have to dive in – to recognize which part is hurt there, which part feels so much pain it bends love in to magnetism so reality is controlled in a way it doesn’t hurt anymore.
This is killing the power of the Universe that exists to teach us – bending reality to our own will is accepting that the “Dark Lord”, the “Guardian of Mind” – knows where it is going so it may use any means to achieve it’s ends.

Sorry but I do not trust “Mind”…I do not trust that any mind knows the truth or the way.
Mind” is a tool that became too powerful when fear induced defensive behavior

Talking honestly about how I used tools to defend and bend the world around is admitting my responsibility about choices that could have been done different and acknowledging the trust and hope they will be well done and well chosen.
I believe in humanity as well as my own humanity – though I suffer so much when it hurts itself and humanity around because of fear.

I’m aware the tricks of mind exist… how I know I may be “low” when threatened…
I try to expose my self so you may see, truly understand…instead of fearing me: so you start to embrace me as a whole.

I believe we walk together and may heal each other, we may be free together, we may truly love in each step – truly reaching beyond the bounds I thought were impossible to breach

For you to enter I need to let you in – any effort will reinforce the defense… and so happens with you.

As much as I believe you may be free – from fear and the illusion of a reality distorted by it - I can’t use too much strength to try to show it to you.
The noise of the friction between those two forces – the ego that’s being exposed and my own will to expose it so it may be loved – healed - will make the harmony we truly are too distant to be “heard.

Fears and ego based responses happen in any means possible.

I try not to judge – accepting the responsibility of having chosen to hide something I could reveal as a way to guard my ego under the excuse of guarding you
Though trusting I may always learn and progress - so stepping forward, taking the risk, paying the bill, feeling the pain and then being free…

Fearing to expose who you are or how you behave is using reason as an excuse to keep deceit; is a way to reinforce the ways of the fearful ego – that simply defends a part of you – a part that denies, a part that doesn’t admit it may deceit, lie, hurt – and is fearful to be also denied by other people around.
A part that doesn’t forgive itself and seems to believe there’s no redemption, no meaning, no truth behind suffering on the passage from appearance of lie and mind to truth of heart and life.

Not true – reveal it, jump in the void so you may see the illusion: being denied by what you are is false.

You are loved… be free.

I want to embrace you as a whole – for that there has to be a whole to embrace, you need to let me in and to be naked and exposed… so do I.

All this war is not as much to be “right” or “wrong”, though it sometimes becomes that and I’m so sorry for those moments I let myself go on the mind game and it’s reign of ignorance and fear.

But these moments are meaningless compared to those others…those when I feel so much relief by being hold in your arms helpless, so much freedom from laying down control and the borders I assumed towards people (those same borders that were killing life in me, strangling the stream of existence in to thin lines of pale light).

By saying "borders" I do not mean being physically alone though. You could be a “socialite”, recognized by many persons because you are sensitive enough to feel what people wish to see in you… that is the ultimate deceit and the absolute loneliness – surrounded by people, living under a mask, expressing half of you – still – never fully loved, never totally embraced.

To build a character based on what people wish to feel, using the gift of sensitiveness (the same that makes you so vulnerable to people’s shit and lies) as a way to control situations and avoid exposure and being hurt – this is the “Gollum trap”: the alternative life, the “sensible way” to live, the reasonable path, the “mature” pact to keep life exactly as it is – nowhere.

As – when you fear to enter in an environment where you represent a role – where people feel you are a “saint” – fearing the mask may fall and suddenly become “judged” by what your relation with life truly is.
Return to Innocence” – fight truthfully, be free.

Truth will set you freeappearances will doom you, me, all those you love, everyone around – to a world that never existed… that is the hollow world, the world of shadows and echoes, the world built over the life robbed from the spring of life itself – a spring the ego needs to drain to survive.

This is the “disease” of our time, the one we need to embrace and vanish in the warmth of love, over the solidness of truth, under the ocean of hope

I know this disease too well and I believe as much you can set me free, I may set you free…

We are ONE.

And I know better than anyone the beauty of your child unleashed, the harmony of your laughter - free over everything and everyone – because my child touched yours and they smiled to each other long ago… our mind is the one having trouble with it.
The redeemed child will tear apart most of the world based on appearances and illusions, on power and control built over fear of not being accepted and not accepting fully what we are in the moment.

The king is naked!” said the child among the people as the royal troupe passed by.

Be free – to love or to feel friction. Each time friction is within (and you may use other word – that doesn’t change the base feeling) you hate. And there is no problem with thatstop punishing yourself because of it

Not loving is hating, yes.
Truth is always truth, when it is not is lie – no middle term to make it easier for the mind to use it as deceit.
Love or hate, live or die, lie or be truthful – let me embrace you whole.

And – I love anyway.
When you deceit – you are beautiful.
Deceit is not denying truth – it’s the promise of truth to come if you start acknowledging the lie in first place.

When you fail in an effort – that’s because you may do it next time or simply because you got in to a border of yourself.
One way or another – failing is being in motion towards the center, towards truth.

Children never use creative imagination. They never needed to.

They are in the center, they are in the Eden, they don’t need the Serpent to tell them they can be as gods if they eat the apple – they are the all loving ONE, the “one in it’s center”, that which IS.

No need to use creative sentences, no need to use will to bend the world – they are in the center of the universe, they live in their heartsnot in their minds… we are the ones who teach them how to come outside of the center, we are the ones that force them by magnetic energy to get out of the kingdom and “fall” in to this realm… the realm of lie until we fully embrace truth.

Ego desperately needs to reproduce itself inside the silence of the child – otherwise that truthful mirror may reveal the deceit of a realm of shadows.
So the first thing we teach to children is to smile and to avoid tears, to respond to our will for them to be happy, to separate in two what they are as ONE.

The blind become the guides, the ignorant become the teachers and the lost become the rulers.

The “neverending story” until we lay down all that was not truth and become naked in front of the waters of life, hold by the hand with the one who loves us, our true name spoken clear so we may pass to the other side.

To go from “here to there” children do not need to bend space and time so they come closer… the space and time run towards them because they love, they are in the heart, they are in the center.
Space and time spring from child’s heart, the child doesn’t dwell in space and time.

Coincidences, feeling things are as they had to be, the realm of the simple, the world of the innocent, the universe of those poor in the mind, accepting all and embracing everything… not needing, not running towards any end, no effort to become as we already are… just being…

The power of will serves to give itself to love. No other means…

Our will serves us to die to the moment – to give away our fear and to embrace the pain. Gethsemane and the Cross as the way to enter the kingdom…
Using the power of will otherwise is denying our true essencethe power of love.

It is to believe we are in the peripheries when we are exactly were we have always been… in the center.

This is the deceit the mind needs to endure – otherwise the divine reveals itself and the mind is melt on to the wholeness… but this is spiritual transcendence and philosophy as well as the true wisdom of the soul that only a child may teach to any adult.

To enter the kingdom we must be as the child… the child inside.

Grasp my hand, smile gently to me.
Show me your nakedness, show me your soul and all it’s wounds…
I wish to love them all, to kiss them all, to embrace them all…

And I also know I wont do this by simply saying it – because some wounds simply overwhelm our power to reveal them.
I will do this by learning devotion, commitment.

By listening carefully and truthfully. Being “MOMO” to you…
And I know I’m still a bad student in this – but I trust I will learn… I truly do.

I had to say all this now though – as I say what I feel.
I need to learn balance in order to keep this above intact AND to learn how to listen to your truth… help me with this please.

Thank you for this good fight – we are revealing the true fighters here.
The mind is learning how heart may beat it in any field.

Fight with me and let us feel united in one embrace – mind, heart in one.
Child hurt, child singing in one – free from pain, from fear, from bondage of mind work.

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